Admin's Journal

[soloadmin]

Tomorrow I will have an important milestone, but I'm focused on the fact that I'm sober here and now, today.

Lately I've been having strange and often disturbing dreams. This morning I wrote one of them up and submitted it for a dream analysis. I was surprised to find that although the dream was chaotic and dark in many ways, the analyst interpreted it as a positive sign that long-repressed trauma is being processed and healed.

This was a pleasant discovery, helping me reframe my nights from "being tortured by nightmares" to "doing healing work while sleeping." I'm still expecting some more crazy dreams, but it's good to know they are happening for a positive and recovery-related reason.

I remain homeless, a problem which in my area of the country tends to take far too long to resolve. Still, there is hope, and things are at least appearing to be moving in the right direction. I haven't had to do a night in the street yet, but only because I've been resourceful about using available resources, and I do have one friend left who is extending me some temporary help.

I continue to struggle with anxiety, a symptom of my CPTSD from parental and educational abuse. Most days, however, I find that using one or more of the many tools this program offers helps keep it manageable.

I beat a bad craving today with the SAVE technique. Got halfway to the store for something I shouldn't be getting (not alcohol, but an unhealthy substitute) and turned around in my tracks. Third time it's happened this month. It really does work! 

There's a lot of turmoil in my life, I'm again facing serious legal issues resulting from my last relapse, and I'm struggling hard at times - but I AM SOBER. You can be too.

[soloadmin]

Rough morning today - was awakened by a notification that both my state assistance cash benefits and my health insurance had been abruptly cancelled. Not exactly the kind of news a homeless person in recovery wants to hear...

Have already taken action on it and hope to resolve it soon.

I'm also doing self-care, breathwork, and mindfulness meditation to bring down my anxiety levels.

And I'm STILL SOBER, and staying that way. You can, too.

[soloadmin]

Rough morning. Alone, depressed, lost in self-pity. Didn't drink, though. Reached out for support instead, even though I felt bad dumping all my fears and doubts on another person. They were there for me, very supportive and positive, and I got through it. I stayed sober, and so can you.